My Awkward Life

I started to write this on March 30, 2023, but I only got to the first sentence. I’m trying to go through my drafts and see what’s worth posting. I remember how I was thinking when answering this question.

For the longest time, I truly believed that anyone was capable of anything in the world. I had my mind so set on the fact that we can achieve anything if we work hard enough to get it. What they don’t teach you in school is that just like some people are naturally taller than others, some people are naturally smarter than others. It’s not a nice thing to say because people will get their feelings hurt, but it’s the truth. Some people can read something once and retain it for life, but others (like me) can read the same thing over and over and over again and still forget. Or retain it for a certain duration of time and then it seems to fall out and seep into the pillow as we sleep.

I remember when I was in high school, we had this stock market activity to do and I just did not understand it at all. I tried to read the website to figure out what I was doing, but my heart wasn’t in it. I was more into creative writing because I got to release my thoughts. There was this kid who had a dad who was very good at stock picking. He ended up turning his fake $100,000 into millions and I remember thinking, “Wow, he’s going to be so rich someday. If he can do it, I could probably do it.” I’m not sure where he is now in life, but I wish I had realized sooner that if I wanted to match or exceed his skills, I’d have to work very hard at it since I didn’t have a mentor for business. I had my head in the clouds for most of my life and wasn’t aware of these things. Lately, I’ve been reading and learning a lot about the stock market and business in general and I wished I’d learned sooner. I also have been regretting not trying harder to learn computer languages when I was younger. I used to be really good at photoshop and I had people asking me for custom pictures left and right when MySpace was a thing, I even created custom CSS for people’s pages. I didn’t know PayPal existed, so I never asked them for payment because I was younger and wasn’t aware that people could pay over the internet to me. I always had the mindset of getting a good paying job somewhere, working under someone else. Now, I have the mindset of making a good job for myself.

My wife and I often butt heads about a lot of things because we are always reminded how differently we think. I will say something and it makes total sense to me, but she’s just not in my head, so she’s probably over there thinking, “What the fuck are you saying??” Then she will say things to me that don’t make sense at all either. Lately, we’ve been navigating this obstacle quite well, I would say.

Another very obvious visual of how differently people think is to watch their strategies as they play cards. We’ve been really into Play Nine lately and my family is able to observe the different playing styles of each other. No one likes the way I play, which is flipping over all of my cards and then moving on to make my matches, unless I get a -5, then I’ll trade a card right off the bat.

It’s just interesting to see how people think differently and it’s also something to remember when communicating with others. It’s easy to forget or not realize that some people are not with you 24/7 so they aren’t aware of how you think or communicate. I’ve seen this especially at people’s jobs, they don’t realize I don’t work there, so I don’t know how the process works. If they explain it to me, then I can better understand or empathize with whatever the situation is. Does this make sense?

Anyway, I think that’s all I have to say on the matter at this moment, but I might come back to this subject later.